you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
