I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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