Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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