I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
