i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
