first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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