Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
