Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
