i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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