Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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