When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
