Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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