I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
