We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
