I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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