it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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