I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
