Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
