sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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