Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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