Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
