shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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