sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
