i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
