We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
