im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
