At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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