In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
