Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
