I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
