I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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