Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
