woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
