Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Alive.
So much puke
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
