i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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