I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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