She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
