I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
