Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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