please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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