I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im drinking this country out of the recession.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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