remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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