Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
