Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
