shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
