I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
