I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
