I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
