When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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