His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
