Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
