You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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