I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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