just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
