Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
