How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
