the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
