He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just gargled with NyQuil
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
