I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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