3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
