My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
