nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
