this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
